Trusting isn't that easy

It's interesting that last July was when I started this blog, calling it the Trust Fall. But a lot happens in a year, and trusting isn't that easy.  When life seemingly fell apart this winter/spring, God was nowhere to be found.  I hate that saying that "if it feels like God is far away, guess who moved."  I've been wrestling with the picture of God that I had, what my expectations were of Him, because I can't understand why He allows so much suffering.  A God who has felt absent in recent sufferings is not a God I can trust, nor deal with.  And I don't think that either of us "moved," per say, I just think that I have had to change my perspective.  I'm slowly getting to that place, and finding a different picture of God.  I think that as I continue to blog (and try to stay on top of it this time!), I will begin telling my story.  More and more I'm hearing God telling me that we all have a story and it's meant to be shared. There are many parts of the story we can't control, but we can control our own part in our stories.
So, I'm not doing any trust falls at this point, but I think I'm getting to the place where I can think about trusting Him.  My pastor keeps telling me that I have to just walk through it, this struggle, in order to come out stronger and healthier on the other side. I would rather have a step by step plan of how to fix these problems so I can be healthier, but apparently it doesn't work like that.