Communication at home.

Home can evoke a variety of emotions for different people. For me, it generally holds positive feelings and a knowing that I am safe there. However, having moved "home," aka back in with my parents, it is not easy. Not easy for me, but not easy for them either.  A definite loss of independence, along with feelings that I'm constantly being watched or what I'm doing isn't good enough, or should be doing more. That was the issue today. Mom freaked because she feels like she does everything around the house and no one helps her, etc.  What I wish more than anything is that we could all communicate better.  Mom could communicate her expectations clearly and concisely, and communicate when she is not happy about something. Dad could just communicate his feelings better in general. And I could improve my communication as well, though I don't think I need to disclose my every move or conversation.  Bottom line, communication is of utmost importance if the three of us are going to maintain sanity.  Let's hope we do.

Trusting isn't that easy

It's interesting that last July was when I started this blog, calling it the Trust Fall. But a lot happens in a year, and trusting isn't that easy.  When life seemingly fell apart this winter/spring, God was nowhere to be found.  I hate that saying that "if it feels like God is far away, guess who moved."  I've been wrestling with the picture of God that I had, what my expectations were of Him, because I can't understand why He allows so much suffering.  A God who has felt absent in recent sufferings is not a God I can trust, nor deal with.  And I don't think that either of us "moved," per say, I just think that I have had to change my perspective.  I'm slowly getting to that place, and finding a different picture of God.  I think that as I continue to blog (and try to stay on top of it this time!), I will begin telling my story.  More and more I'm hearing God telling me that we all have a story and it's meant to be shared. There are many parts of the story we can't control, but we can control our own part in our stories.
So, I'm not doing any trust falls at this point, but I think I'm getting to the place where I can think about trusting Him.  My pastor keeps telling me that I have to just walk through it, this struggle, in order to come out stronger and healthier on the other side. I would rather have a step by step plan of how to fix these problems so I can be healthier, but apparently it doesn't work like that.